The Gay Professor
by Jaade
Summary: The upper grades in Hogwarts try to find out about the elusive, shy Professor Remus Lupin's sexuality, with interesting conclusions, and a sly nudge from Professor Snape. Mentions Remus/Sirius as well as a lot of the Hogwarts cast. Set in POA


**OMG. Two RemusIsGay fics in one day! HOW CAN THIS BE? I ship Remus/Tonks, I've even written chapter stories for them. Oh well, whatever, never mind. Okay, anyway, this is about the Hogwarts students, mainly the fifth to seventh years wondering who Remus will take to the ball, and thus, the debate on his sexuality.**

_**The Gay Professor**_

Hogwarts was abuzz, whispers and secrets whizzing around the upper school, love hearts being exchanged. The boys showed off, slicking their hair back with Sleekeezy's Gel, as did the girls, taking more hours than usual setting their hair and face into perfect positions in the morning. The teachers seemed flustered as well, especially the women, Minerva smoothing back her tight bun into even more tighter situations when the dapper Albus Dumbledore passed, leaving a lemony waft in his wake.

The classrooms allocated for the fifth-to-seventh years reeked of perfume, a mingled scent of both male and female odours to mask the usual stale morning smell of the room with its comfortable wood fire, and damp walls. Professor Lupin, Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher strode in, bringing with him a pleasant, if vague smile, and a handful of apparent cheeriness. He seems to be the only one not bothered by this entire ball business, noted a George Weasley, whilst at the same time making eyes at Angelina Johnson.

Professor Lupin, of course, seemed not to have a care for the hundred or so students cozying up to each other, as he scratched his chin, trying to remember what it was he was supposed to brief the students about. The teachers had, of course, noticed his apathy toward the upcoming ball, and informed him that it was his job to alert the students about the rules and regulations of the event. Of course, thought Remus, as he tried to quiet the students down, they _would _ leave the mucky jobs to him.

"All right, settle down, quiet!" called Remus, his soft voice carrying through the classroom, setting the student's low hum of talking into a whispery, fragile silence, occasionally broken by a laugh or a cough.

"Right, now it's apparently my job to inform you of the upcoming ball, but I see that many of you have been sufficiently informed. However, that won't make my job any easier, as the Heads of House, and Mr. Filch have compiled a list of rules I now read out to you. Firstly, none of the female patrons dresses should be over six inches above the knee!"

Groans and sighs issued, the higher pitch and frequency assuring it from the females side, as Jenna Rivendell, a rich sixth year cried out, "But I've already bought my dress, Professor!."

Lavinia Hawthorne, a particularly promiscous seventh year raised her robes to a couple of inches down her hips.

"Will _this _be appropriate, Professor?" cooed Lavinia, her eyes sultry, as catcalls and whistles from the boys filled the hall. It was very well known that Lavinia, along with half her grade, had a crush on the quiet, young Professor who seemed tired all the time.

Professor Lupin, however, didn't blink an eye, unusually. "Well, I suggest you lower your skirt, Miss Hawthorne, and I honestly don't know if that's appropriate. Maybe you would like to show Professor Snape? He has a perfectly good ruler."

Silence.

"No? All right then. Rule number two, the event is STRICTLY students among themselves, and teachers to themselves. There will be NO teacher-student dancing, or any other untoward activity." The professor seemed relieved to read this, as he grinned up at the lot, the looks on the girls' faces becoming even more dejected as they realized that the teacher infront of them was becoming far more unattainable than they ever imagined.

"Number three, every single person must report back to their own dormitories after the event, and there is to be no loitering around in bushes or broom cupboards. All right, that;s it I suppose, any questions."

Two dozen hands raised up, and Remus looked at all of them, finally picking one.

"All right, Miss Roberts?" He addressed small, shy Kieran, a quiet Ravenclaw.

"Professor, who are _you_ taking to the ball?" she lisped softly. "Now that there isn't any teacher student dallying...?"

"Why, what do you mean?" asked Professor Lupin, looking bemused.

"Well, since, you know, all the teachers are older than you by about twenty years...?" continued George Weasley, "Won't it be a little weird for you?"

"Oh, no, it's no problem!" said Remus, pleased to get to the bottom of the question. "I don't mind, really. I'll just be dancing with them, not exactly loving them for eternity, will I?"

Another hand, another question.

"But, lets say, lets SAY, there was no rule like that! Which one of us would you have taken?" babbled out anther eager seventh year.

Remus looked confused again. Why did they all care about who he would have taken?

"Well, none of you, really..."

A collective gasp. Remus figured he had made a mistake.

"Not that you aren't attractive or anything..." Oh God, thought Remus. The girls, the bloody girls. They didn't catch on that he didn't find anything about any woman ever attractive.

"Do you have a girlfriend somewhere else then, sir?" asked Oliver Wood. His Muggle girlfriend Patty was well known to everyone.

"Well..." Remus' eyes looked distant, as he thought, not of a village belle, or any lass, but of a hard, stubbled man with grey eyes and black hair, "not..."

"Ooooh!" The cry was simultaneous and in a fine, tuneless melody.

"You DO have a girlfriend!" cried Fred Weasley, pumping his fist in the air.

"Uhm..." Remus didn't know what to say. Sirius Black would have cried to hear himself being called a girl. Not that it mattered, as Sirius was already on his way to hell.

"What's she like?"

"Is she pretty?"

"Is she tall?"

"Is she funny?"

"Does she ride a broom well?" the last was asked in Oliver Wood's Scottish brogue.

"I honestly don't think..." stuttered Remus.

"Please!" cried Katie Bell.

"Uhm... I don't think this is appropriate, really!" cried Remus.

"Oh come on, she's pretty isn't she?" snided George

"Well, not pretty..." Remus decided not to blaspheme Sirius. "Maybe beautiful. Yes."

"Is she tall?" The questions were being fired at random now.

"Yes, very tall."

"What about funny? Is she funny?" demanded Lee Jordan, as if that was the only criteria to be fullfilled.

"Very much so" chortled Remus, recalling Sirius's botched attempts at sarcasm and humour.

"How come we haven't seen her before?" asked a curious Lavinia.

"Well, you have. She's right under your nose." said Remus darkly, and honestly. The students were beginning to know too much.

The bell rang and the students dispersed, many of them talking about Professor Lupin's apparent girlfriend.

"I bet she's hot!" crowed Flint to the rest, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff forgotten in this curiosity.

"Well, Professor Lupin is hot, so I'm quite sure she is!" stammered a blushing fifth year Hufflepuff.

"Let's ask SNAPE!" cried Fred and George simultaneously. "He was at school with Lupin, he would know!"

"God, we should give you Gryffs more credit!" exclaimed Flint, taking the lead to Snape's office, where the potions master stood, glowering at them sourly at the sight of about twenty students crammed into the small, damp office.

"What is is you require?" snapped Snape.

"Sir, you were at school with Professor Lupin, weren't you?" questioned Flint.

"I suppose. If this is one of your mundane attempts at conversation, I suggest you all promptly leave."

"No, no, why would we talk to _you_?" asked Angelina daringly. "We just wanted to know about his girlfriend, that's all!"

"His...girlfriend?" Snape sneered. The only lover Lupin seemed to have was certainly not a _girl._

"Yeah, the one that's really beautiful, and tall and funny and stuff!" said Oliver Wood, shyness forgotten.

"As to my knowledge, Lupin never did have a girlfriend. I can assure it," the potions master smirked. "He never once knew the love of a woman."

"He lied?" a horrified gasp from Flint.

"No way!" squeaked Lavinia, the image of her favourite, sexy professor tarnishing by the second.

"Why would he lie about having a girlfriend?" scorned Fred, as he walked out of the leering Snape's office.

"Yeah, he would never do that!" supported George.

"Maybe it's-it's to a-avoid saying he a-actually liked any of us or something!" guessed a depressed Angelina.

Speak of the Devil, the aforementioned Professor was walking in their direction, seemingly toward his quarters and the staff room. He stepped back, startled as a crowd of students blocked his path, all looking mutinious.

"You said you had a girlfriend!" accused Lavinia, pointing a painted nail at the brown haired man.

"Yeah, you lied!" Flint looked brutish now, as his favourite girls were watching him.

"I never did!" Remus was surprised at the apparent hostility. Why would students take SUCH an interest in his love life? Wasn't it private?

"You said you had a girlfriend, and Professor Snape says you never did!" cried George accusatorily.

"I never said I had a girfriend!" Remus tried to get the obvious point across.

"YES!"

"Oh my, you actually are a liar!"

"YES YOU DID!"

Outrage from the students. Were they honestly that stupid, mused Remus, as did a smirking Severus from behind his door.

"I never said I had a girlfriend! Not a _girl_...friend." Remus spoke clearly. My God, this was annoying.

"What do you mean?" asked Flint brusquely. "You just said you...oh wait..."

"YOU'RE GAY?" screamed George, his eyes wide.

"Fifteen points to Gryffindor!" exclaimed Remus, going on his way.

"Yes, and another twently to both Gryffindor AND Slytherin. Such a show..." muttered Snape from behind his door, chuckling as he never had in years.

"He's gay!" shrieked Lavinia, pointing at the teacher's retreating back. Now that they noticed it, he did walk rather...femininely. Didn't he?

"OH HOLY CRAP! HE'S ACTUALLY GAY." Angelina couldn't seem to control her disappointment.

"How could he be gay? This isn't supposed to be..." muttered Alicia, angrily. She had wanted the Professor all to herself.

And throughout the entire day, unhushed whispers of "He's gay!" and "OH MY GOD, YOURE ACTUALLY GAY!" rushed through the Hogwarts halls, making every teacher chuckle. They of course had known, having taught the boy themselves.

Oh well, a gay Professor. It wasn't particularly alarming to him, but it was original. Oh yes, a gay professor was bloody original in Hogwarts.

Nobody knew that the rat dozing in George's pocket, who had heard every single thing had known about the gay professor, as well as his criminal lover.

He would stay silent yet.

**Yup, all done. The Gay Professor. I like to think that this idea was pretty original.**

**Please review me, say anything :)**


End file.
